How to lose customers

  1. Refrain from employing sufficient staff to cater for demand
  2. Run your in-store cafe with even less staff at busy periods, e.g. lunchtime
  3. Make your customers queue for a longgggg time to be served by a solitary cafe assistant
  4. Make the assistant leave their till to deliver hot food orders to the kitchen
  5. Make your customers wait for 30 minutes for “fast” hot food
  6. Have your kitchen staff serve 2 out of 4 plates of hot food to the correct customer and deliver the other 2 plates to another customer who, despite that not being the food they ordered, SAY NOTHING!
  7. Have your staff wait 10 minutes before realising they’ve f*cked up
  8. Wait for a long (at least as long as the queue) letter to hit the CEO’s Inbox

Oh, in case you are wondering, dear reader, I am talking about M&S’s in-store cafe at Westfield, White City.