On Saturday night I went to pick my daughter up after her works do.
I arrived at the hotel venue just before pumpkin time, parking discreetly slightly back from the reception entrance/exit where a few revellers were mincing about. Then, shortly after midnight, the noise from the disco ceased abruptly. Chucking out time! Small groups of partygoers started leaving and cabs started arriving.
So there I was, sitting there contentedly waiting for my daughter to appear, when a slightly inebreated chap, accompanied by his girlfriend tottering on very high heels, approached my vehicle. He tapped on the front passenger window. I thought, he’ll realise his error shortly, I’ll ignore him. He rapped on the window again so I gave him what I call my dismissive wave. By this time his girlfriend had made it to the rear door and they both started trying the door handles but were unable to open the doors (my doors lock automatically when I drive off so they were still locked). They both seemed perplexed by this development and tried the doors again. They’d obviously not read the memo about not getting into unknown cars. So I opened the passenger window an inch and engaged them in conversation.
Me: “I’m not a cab.”
Me: “I’m not a cab. Or a taxi.”
Bloke: “You’re not a cab then?”
(Bear in mind he’s trying to get into a muddy Freelander)
Me: “No. I’m waiting for someone.”
Bloke: “Who you waiting for then?”
Me (still trying to be polite): “That’s none of your business.”
Bloke: “Uh, ok.”
Girl: “He not a cab then?”
Bloke: “No, he’s not a cab.”
After a minute or so of just standing there looking bemused, they wandered off. Luckily, at that moment my daughter arrived so I unlocked the doors, she hopped in and I drove off before any more drunks tried to join us. You can’t make this stuff up!
So tonight we were mostly spared the usual political, partisan voting. Instead we were treated to the bizarre spectacle of a bearded bloke in a frock singing badly and then blubbing because he won. Meanwhile the French ensemble sang a song about male hirsuteness and got about 2 points.